Loneliness is real
On a day when you simply do not feel like leaving the bed and getting out and start your work. These are days I have overcome, this is a tale of depression. It is not a new age fashionable term, it is a term that our parents and family often refuse to comprehend. But this is real, the one who has walked this path would understad and agree.
Taking you back to last year, around the same time of the year. I was living in Delhi and trying adjust to the fact that I have no life beyond my work. That too in a job where work life balance was well respected. For once I wished I had longer days at work and nothing else to think about. But unfortunately for me, work got done by 6pm every evening and I had nothing to look forward to, and more importantly no one to talk to. I felt a sense on loneliness that i had not experienced before. I have had difficulties with loniness even when I had a husband and was married. But this time around it was different, I felt alone physically. I longed to hold my friends and hug them. I realised I had no friends and social life in Delhi.
But that alone was not the cause of my depression that just got stronger by the day. It was compounded by the fact that I had lost my mom just before I moved to Delhi. I thought I was brave enough to get over the loss. Perhaps I was brave but what I didn’t realise was I didn’t give myself time to feel the loss and pain. I felt all kinds of pain, I broke down every evening and just wanted run away from that city.
I went on Tinder to find respite but that was just an esacape, or coping mechanism to say the least. I met a nice man and instantly felt Like I was in love because we were so much fun together but thank God for me, he realised it faster than I did that I was just looking to be with a human and any good human would do. That relationship lasted for a week and I felt more dejected and alone. While I cannot put a finger and say that this is why I was depressed, I knew I was and something had to be done. I decided to meet a shrink and thankfully my boss was super helpful in finding me one. Her only concern was my mental health and not my performance at work or anything else, she went out of her way to ensure I meet a good shrink.
I did manage to find someone very good and in a couple of months I also got better or at least better enough to decide I hadto be back with my family and friends.
Depression and the feeling of loniless is not new to me but I would still just never want to cross paths with them. I am happier person now, even in midst of uncertainties and challenges. I don’t think I have automatically developed coping mechanism. But what I can tell you helped me for sure are the following:
I was aware that I am lonely and depressed.
I had the willingness to work on it and get better.
I was open to talk about it with people I trusted.
I picked up teh phone and called my friends as and when I was on the edge.
I took professional help.
And I understood the fact that, this is not unique to me and there is nothing to be ashamed off.
And I wated to be happy and nothing could stop me from getting there.